Touch Me Right There

by Victor Ongpin

Who wants a stupid stuffed teddy bear holding a heart anyway?

Pacing through Whole Foods in search of a post-workout coconut water I noticed the promotions on display: Thoughtful combinations of organic cacao alongside crimson and fuchsia Mylar balloons. Greeting cards strategically placed next to sugary sweet candies and bottles of fine rosé wine blushing in 50 shades of pink. It appeared as though the thought process of Valentine’s Day had already been figured out…at least for those with a significant other.

But, again I ask, Who really wants a plush stuffed animal, candy hearts and a box of chocolates for V-Day?

I then bumped up against a poster highlighting a special deal valid only on February 13th and 14th.

Buy One Dry Aged Steak AND Get a Free Lobster Tail.

A free lobster tail? This is too good to be true. You know I’m about that life! And with this revelation I borrow the prevailing sentiment of my predominantly gay and ready to mingle friends, deeming this “holiday” as Single Awareness Day.

Yet with the slogan, “Treat Yo Self!”

Sure. While I’m treating myself, why not a massage for Victor while I’m at it? Sixty minutes of bodywork would do wonders for me on Valentine’s Day. Especially since my other primary Love Language is Physical Touch.

Whether you are single or have a significant other in your life, understanding of the Love Language of Physical Touch can add insight. Just being aware of this can enhance your communication to someone who is oriented to receive love in this manner or to simply identify when you respond best to another’s touch.

And by the way – one does not need a holiday like Valentine’s Day to show another that you love him. Honestly, if you waited only once a year to practice your Physical Touch on your partner, he’ll likely have moved on to the next fella who might be even more hands-y.

Now, as men, we naturally are very in tune with our needs for sex as well as what feels good to our bodies. Having Physical Touch as one’s primary Love Language goes beyond this however –

For those who operate innately with Physical Touch as their Love Language, touching is well expressed on his person and face. It’s how he recharges with the love you direct to him. We can start to understand the depth of touch for this kind of guy with Gary Chapman’s statement explaining how “it is not limited to one localized area of the body. When those receptors are touched or pressed, nerves carry impulses to the brain. The brain interprets these impulses and we perceive that the thing that touched us is warm or cold, hard or soft. It causes pain or pleasure. We may interpret it as loving or hostile.” With this guy, he gets filled up (emotionally) and feels secure when together you are kissing, cuddling, hand holding and especially with sexual intercourse in the relationship.

Conversely, to withdraw from him, repeatedly, can actually communicate hate.

Moreover, if you are not necessarily a “touchy person”, but your partner is, then making the extra effort to communicate that to him via touch will be of utmost importance to ensuring you’re speaking his love language. Those who speak in Physical Touch rely more and use this sense as they move through life where even the words “I hate you” or “I love you” won’t speak as much as some man-on-man action.

“Being single on Valentine’s Day is not at all a crisis.”
— Victor Ongpin

What kind of action you ask? As you may have guessed, it’s not all about actual intercourse though the act itself can be inclusive to building intimacy and trust. We can look at Physical Touch in two areas: Implicit and Explicit. However, not all touches are created equal.

Implicit Touch is typically quick and easy. These touches don’t need much time, but can take more forethought if one’s family wasn’t a “touching family.” It can be as simple as putting your hand on his shoulder while you pour his juice next to that plate of bacon and eggs. You can even lightly brush up again his fur on a hot day when taking out the trash – perhaps passing him in the confines of a tighter space in your home for that brief moment as you head out the backdoor.

Explicit Touch generally requires more time, effort and demands one’s undivided attention. It usually takes more time to develop and learn this more involved touch, which does include actual penetration but may also entail sexual foreplay or even a back massage. You’ll want to work on finding out what he likes over time because even if you enjoy it he may not. In fact, particularly touches may cause frustration so be aware of how he responds. Becoming a skilled lover, in this case, can have a huge emotional payoff for your partner who will benefit from both his heightened emotional connection with you as well as a cathartic body experience.

Physical Touch for him can also mean the world if he is experiencing a crisis – not just the good times. Almost instinctually, we hug one another when things are going wrong. Why? It’s a powerful communicator of love. Is he having a rough day? Hug your man. In a time of crisis, more than anything, we need to feel loved. Your words may not matter much when trying to cheer him up, but your arm gently cupping him at the nape or quickly squeezing him on his traps and shoulders can help to snap him out of whatever state he is in. The crisis may come and go but your touch will not be forgotten.

Being single on Valentine’s Day is not at all a crisis. I’m thinking of big plans with a piece of meat and the bonus of getting some tail too.

To answer my question from earlier – yes. Yes, I do want the teddy bear. A sexy, furry, cuddle buddy to accompany me in bed and touch me in all the right spots. Like right there, yeah, that’s the spot. That’s how Teddy will be holding my heart.

Originally published at